“Do you want a baby chicken?” asks the Mexican boy that lives across the street from me. I am not surprised by the question as my frontyard chickens are well-known in the neighborhood. He originally had two chicks but since the cat ate one he is not allowed to keep the other. “Yes! Yes!” I answer emphatically as I had promised my French friend Olivia (who recently lost her Bantam hen) to find her a new chicken. I give the thirsty “poussin” (which is French for “chick”) some fresh water and Olivia gives it a new name: pous-pous.
Archive for chicken
Weeks of anticipation are over and the big day has come: this morning I find the first two eggs in the chicken coop. They are small and have two wonderful shades of brown. I expect them to get larger as my three hens get used to “make me breakfast” … (-;
Which of all birds is more humble and more hard working than a chicken? They lay an egg every day, make everyone smile, and demand nothing but water and food scraps in return. They – literally – “poop it forward”. No bird is more deserving to be called an “angel” than the humble hen who cannot even fly properly. The proof is in the angel food cake.
Earthlings, I am an avatar who has infiltrated one of the most guarded governments labs where they build nuclear chikkin’ weapons. I have secretly developed an absolutely lethal force that combines chickens with lasers. Today I will drop this “slow bomb” onto the American heartland. The core of beautiful downtown Livermore will become “green zero”. You will completely recover through this. My technology is so advanced it will slow bomb you back to the roots that you have lost. It will slow you down until you are Frencher than the French. You will drink a lot of wine and eat a lot of cheese and have two-hour lunches and three-hour dinners with all your friends all the time. Are you loving it? Demand me to cluster slow bomb you and I will deliver the mother of all slow bombs. Resistance will turn your own children against you—in particular your last born. Watch me Tuesday March 30th at 7 pm PST as I ignite this “slow bomb” of “green love” (slides, reloaded). Activation sequence initiated: “all your kale are belong to us” … (-:
Disclaimer: Please note that phrases such as “slow bomb” or “laser chicken” are meant in a cute, harmless, and non-violent manner. They are funny, catchy, thought-provoking word plays on opposites and express the conceptual similarity to “slow food”.
Penguina died last week. It was sad. We realize that farm happiness comes hand in hand with occasional farm sadness. Penguina was our favorite – she was so tame and sweet. But she did have a severely bent spine and “behind her back” we called her the “cricked” chicken. I was planning to have a nearby chiropractor adjust her as a promotional event on the farm … we’ll miss her.
downtownfarm combines three passions of mine into one operation and uses cutting edge military-grade light-scanning technology (popularized by Radiohead‘s innovative “House of Cards” video—see below) to broadcast our activities to ipods, ipads, iphones, and facebooks around the globe:
- enable children to make informed decisions by teaching them about factory food production and by exposing them to the joys of urban farming
- develop & implement cutting-edge remote sensing laser technology (e.g. LIDAR, multi-camera systems, infrared, RADAR, …)
- familiarize children with today’s multimedia, networking & GIS technologies
Urban farming puts that little “Na-vi” in our live that we are all yearning for since we saw Avatar. downtownfarm shows how a trip to your local farm store and your neighborhood nursery can create a slice of Pandora in your frontyard.
The resulting “happy feed” will motivate brilliant and creative minds across the globe to drive cutting-edge laser technology forward and showcase it at downtownfarm. Geeks (like me @ livermorelasso) will work incredibly hard to enable 3 – 16 year old children to pick up their favorite “Pumpkin” or “Omelet”, hold it towards the LIDAR “laser camera”, and present it to the world in streaming real-time 3D. Constantly pushing for higher-resolution, fuller color, higher frame-rate, we will put in all-nighters to make kids hearts glow (and not just for meeting a deadline or fulfilling some contract). This will drive the technology forward and every field (e.g. intelligence, land planning, surveying, security, education …) will benefit as a nice “side-effect”.
And farmville will look so last century. But hey … I don’t want to alienate the farmville and iphone app developpers. Help me create the downtownfarm app. I need your brilliance and foresight. You & Cafe Fanny & James Cameron & Ocracoke Coffee & Michelle Obama & Weaver Street Market & Michael Pollan & McDonalds & Sundari Kraft & Caffee Driade & Upton Sinclair & Great Harvest Bread & Eric Schlosser & Berkeley Bowl & Michael Moore & Gather & Michael Krasny & Hossana Homes & Greg Mortenson & First Pres & MLK & Bulworth & Alicia Vagts & Cafe Gratitude & Barbara Ehrenreich & Mama Dip’s & the people that I have met and continue to meet … you are my heroes. You paved the way for downtownfarm. These are all your ideas … all I did was to combine them in the most obvious way and to find a good location for them: The only old farm house in the very core of downtown Livermore. And now I really need your help.